Well last time you read about my first week of school. The second week was much different. I entered into a season of finding out what intimacy with God really means.
I have always had trouble with my “quite time” and spending time with God. It was so hard for me to find His presence just reading a few chapters in the Bible and going down my “to pray for list.” Every time I heard someone talking about spending hours with God, going to a “secret place” with Jesus and actually talking with Him a jealousy would rise in me. I desperately wanted what others had but had no idea how to get it. I wanted to move in power and love, to be a part of a huge movement of God but then looked around and wondered why it wasn’t happening. I have this powerful consuming desire to do something big for Christ. Then it hit me. I cannot birth something of God without being intimate with Him……..let that one sink in a bit. I cannot birth something of God without being intimate with Him.
Of course my walk with God was not exploding into something amazing, I hardly knew Him. Conviction struck my heart. I did everything just as I should but never sat down to just BE with Jesus, to get to know Him and love on Him. I never realized God needed to be ministered to by ME. Wow. The God of the universe loves me more then I know and I never knew to love Him back the way He wanted; by just enjoying His presence.
In the past few weeks every book I read for school, every sermon I’ve heard, it all pointed to intimacy with Christ. For the first time I realized what it meant to have a personal relationship with God. Oh man, even writing this right now my heart is longing to spend time with my lover. The more I spend time with Him, the more I become like Him. Let that one sink in as well. The more I spend time with God, the more I become like Him. Spending time with God isn’t necessarily reading the Bible or even praying, but sitting there and seeking Him until he shows up and speaks with you and just enjoying His presence. So I locked myself into my room and covered myself with a blanket and asked for intimacy for 15 straight minutes; and God showed up. For the first time in my life God brought me to a secret place for me and Him to sit and actually have a conversation. I spoke with God. He spoke with me. I will never be the same. I will never be satisfied with just reading the Bible now. I will never be satisfied with just reciting prayers of things I need. Now I KNOW I can actually encounter God in such a real way. I spend time with Him, talk with Him, and even just sit with Him; I never want anything less.
I know now I cannot be a revivalist….not yet. I need to have such a personal relationship with God that I know his voice, know his presence, and can enter into it any time and any place; then great things will follow that pure love relationship. How can I hear God’s voice in the world if I don’t take time to hear Him by myself in my room?
Intimacy with God is what I long for. Intimacy with God is what I need. To sit and soak in God’s presence telling Him how much I love Him and allowing Him to speak to my heart. I don’t want anything else but a personal real relationship with Jesus and everything else will flow from that.
I pray this encourages and inspires you.
~dani b.
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