How It Started

I am in Redding CA my new home town for the next year! I’ll be moving into my apartment on Wed. Sept 1st, until then I am living with a wonderful family/community home who is renting out a room to me.

I’ve learned testimony has the ability to stir up a kind of hunger that drives people to the Lord. This is why I want to share my testimony of how I’ve come to leave everything I’ve ever know to live in Redding CA 2,000 miles away from family and friends. I pray my testimony actually encourages people and makes them hungry for the things of the Lord.

In beginning of 2008 a conference called “Jesus Culture” came to Dallas Texas. I knew nothing about it and honestly didn’t want anything to do with it. At the time I was in a relationship which I was pushing to become a marriage, I was in college, I was leading youth, and pursuing my dream of acting. In my head, my life was perfect and didn’t need a life change. Its funny how God choices that moment to turn your life upside down.
My dear dear friends Charity and LeaAnn told me about “Jesus Culture” and had already purchased their $50 tickets for the whole conference. They invited me to the first free night of worship and said I should buy a ticket for the entire conference. I agreed to the night of worship but held off on promising to commit my whole weekend and $50 to some “Jesus” thing I didn’t know about. I didn’t know why at the time, but I was nervous and border line scared of the meeting. I remember distinctly the fear that lurched in my belly when I was in LeaAnn’s truck driving to the church as the girls told me it was a “healing revivalist” conference. I wanted nothing to do with it and began to panic, the words “get me out of this car” actually came out of my mouth. I didn’t realize the fear and doubt that lived in my heart when it came to receiving and praying for healing from the Lord. Don’t’ get me wrong, I believe/d God can heal but I didn’t believe He could use me. There were questions and fears I have repressed my whole life, things I didn’t even want to touch or acknowledge. What happens if I pray for someone’s healing in the powerful name of Jesus Christ and they were not healed?! What kind of whiteness would I be? How could I wield such a power? I almost broke out into a sweat when LeaAnn and Charity tried to convince me to go to the conference all weekend. “I don’t have 50 bucks.” I blamed it on my finances, “someone will have to give me a ticket or $50 tonight if God wants me to go.” Me and my big mouth.
Long story short, someone walked up to me right before worship started and gave me their ticket. Charity and LeaAnn laughed out loud, I almost cried. I knew there was something wrong in my heart, something I couldn’t put my finger on; that night it was made clear. God shed light onto the doubt and fear in my heart I tried to repress and ignore all these years. I had a distrust of how God wanted to use me and the person I was in Christ. I didn’t think I was good enough or spiritual enough to heal someone. But it is not I who heals; it is the God of all creation. I was standing there watching a room full of people falling down and worship in the presence of God and there I was feeling nothing. I was left with a choice. Now that I knew what was in me, I could keep my normal life and live with it, or could choose the harder road and press into the Lord until I was free which would mean my world being turned upside for the rest of my life. What else could I do? I went to a godly couple I respect and hold dear and asked them to pray with me. I had to get lies out of my heart and pray truth in. We prayed and broke off chains holding me back swinging the door of freedom open for me to live in trust of the truth and fullness of God and His power. A revelation hit me like a ton of bricks, I do not have to worry if the person is healed or not, it is not my job, my sole job is to hear the voice of the Lord and to be open and ready to obey whatever God says. If God tells me to pray for someone then that’s what I do, I leave the rest up in His completely capable hands. God will not tell me to pray for someone without a divine purpose no matter if the outcome is a healing or not. My life is to follow His lead, obey His voice, and carry His presence around with me to affect others around me. With that comes complete freedom from fear of performing, outcome, or explanation. A will walk in the Holy Spirit and trust Him, He will do all the work and all I have to focus on is making sure I am in communication with Him inviting Him to use me everywhere I go.
That weekend has changed my life forever. Since then I have been trying to tune my ears to the Lord’s voice in whatever way he speaks to me. He has tested me, and little did I know some of the biggest tests were to come that involved hearing His voice and choosing to obey.
To be continued.