Helium Balloon

You would think a few months of not posting I would be brimming with things to say. On the contrary, I am speechless. I thought starting this blog my friends and family in Texas could be updated with not only my life but what I am learning every day at school. That is the very reason I haven’t posted in forever. I am learning so much I am on overload and normally have no idea how to put anything into words. It’s even hard to call people in Texas because I have no idea how to tell them what is going on in my life if I don’t even know how to explain anything. All I know is every morning I wake up and every morning I am different from the day before.

I feel like my brain and heart are being filled with so many new revelations, thoughts, prophecies, and sermons that I just want to sit at the end of the day and either write, cry, or stare at a blank wall processing things. I am scared I actually might float away with everything that I am learning; as if everything being deposited in me is helium and I am a quickly expanding balloon. The irony is everything I am learning me is “grounding” me in who I am and what I believe. Ha. If you can’t tell I am a whirlwind of emotions. Floating, grounding, write, cry, quite, stare, I just looked back over the last two paragraphs and I just used all those words to describe me and how I feel right now. Can anyone say, “Emotional overload!”? My poor fiancé and roommates! I honestly have been so blessed with the people in my life. I am learning about unconditional love and what grace really is from Brendon and my roommates; I know I would not be surviving this year without them.

There are so many lessons stirring in me but the biggest one that I find becoming my rock is:
I will trust in the word of God and not my circumstance.
I will trust in who I know God is and what He has said in His word; not at what my circumstance is screaming at me to believe and throwing in my face. For example, just an example, if my bank statement is low and I start worrying about finances my circumstances clearly shows I need start working on getting money even though I know God gave me this year to rest from a job and “normal” life. What the word of God says and what He has actually proven to me is that He provides faithfully! I will believe He provides and I will not act out on my emotions that come up when I see the bank statement. My emotions are a manifestation of what I believe. Simple and cheesy example but I think it gives the point. Right now this is keeping me afloat. When life is rough and my circumstances say everything is going downhill I will trust in that God is good all the time and will work everything out for good. It sounds super “Christian cheesy” but makes all the different in the world….it is also much easier said than done. I happen to be writing this down and posting it to actually help cement this truth into who I am. This of course means I do not have this core value down yet, in fact I quite failed at it last night; yet another example of how my fiancé and roommates show me unconditional love and grace.

That is all for now.
~Dani, a helium balloon.